So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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