So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize