Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize