we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
50% drunk capacity currently
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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