I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize