you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
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I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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