He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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