If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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