so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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