Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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