i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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