All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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