You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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