Sponge bath it is.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize