So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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