we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize