I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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