Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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