I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she pinky promised me she was 18
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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