i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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