Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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