dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize