I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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