his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize