My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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