I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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