I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I could make wine with my vomit
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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