you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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