Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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