So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize