So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
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the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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