y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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