i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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