i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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