My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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