I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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