Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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