Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
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