yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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