margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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