She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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