There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize