Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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