im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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