Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize