I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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