Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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