So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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