She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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