I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i think my cat just said my name.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize